A Housecat's Expert Opinion of Loneliness.

It's been my observation that humans are obsessed with relationships. If they've not got someone fawning over them, thinking of fawning over them, or just loitering about and harassing the housecat, they begin to question their worth. To a cat this seems a bit of a hoopla. I doubt I'll ever understand the mechanics of such self-torment, and to be frank, my interest in the species is limited to the provision and maintenance of sand and to the fair distribution of kibble. Still, even the most detached cat can't help wondering at the ease with which humans allow other humans to plunge them into loneliness and depression. I've known many other cats in my time, but I wasn't overly stunted, nor did I stop living the moment they strutted out of my life. In fact, it's nice not having to share the sandbox all the time. After all, there are only so many spaces in which to bury things before the situation just gets ugly.

Then, it's a bit like comparing hamsters to horses. Housecats have little need for companionship whereas humans typically crave it. Not that we're entirely anti-social, but we have no incessant yearning for the security of another. In fact, the kind of people I personally gravitate toward are dog people. They're usually guests, generally allergic, and often too polite to neglect a quick scratch betwixt the ears before shooing me along. Mind you, when they're really allergic I try my best to stay around a while. (I wouldn't want them thinking it's okay to become chummy in the future, and the more dander I deposit the less likely they are to build an immunity.)

My view may sound somewhat callous, but please realise that my species has a long and complex genome containing many traits characteristic of the archetypical loner. We are independent, self-reliant, and we need no one other than ourselves. We have one paw in the wild the whole of our lives, ready to step in and take charge at any moment. (Given the circumstances, I think we're doing well tolerating humans at all.)

Mind you, I'm not saying that cats never feel lonely. There are times when we have certain urges that require satiation. This is the doubled edge of the feline sword. It's fairly impossible to be a rough and tumble loner when you're feeling a little on the mushy side. Those rare moments notwithstanding, you don't see cats whinging about having no one around. No sir! When we're feeling vulnerable, a few suckles on our self-proclaimed owner's favourite plush souvenir or even an expensive cashmere cardigan and we're back to normal in no time.

I suppose that's the fruitage of feline practicality. Though, looking in retrospect, it can be rather humiliating. Humans may cry and moan the moment they lose the security of a coupled union, but one lesson they can learn from a cat's plight is that it's better to have loved and lost than ever to have loved a doll.


READERS REMEMBER! You may now ask Mr. Fleez for his jaded opinion* on your personal situations. Please send your enquiries to: housecatwisdom@yahoo.co.uk.

*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.

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