Mr. Humphries' Agony Session #1

WRITER'S NOTE: Since this is the first agony session on Housecat Wisdom, I'd like to thank my readers for their overwhelming show of support. Your questions are very much appreciated. Furthermore, I'd like it known that I pity you all, and that I'm ecstatic to be one borne of cat and not of woman. Mum's Milk, but you're a load of complainers the lot of you!

Yours Purringly,
Mr. W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)




Dear Mr. Fleez,

Why do some women stay with men who treat them bad? I have a friend who is always whining about her bf of three years, but she won't break up with him! How do you help someone who acts like they want help but never takes your suggestions?

Sincerely,
Weary of whining - NSW, Australia.


Dear Weary,

It's odd how often this question rises among humans. I'm frequently asked why a human will remain in a romantic situation with another human who treats her badly, but the parallel, why humans remain in friendships where the other is chronically whinging about that which they have no intention of improving, seems to go unasked.

As a cat, I see things unsullied by sentiment. Humans, however, aren't so fortunate. This is where the real problem lies; they can't make a single decision without the corrosive element of emotion. People are emotional creatures with a vast and eclectic sea of circumstances, both past and present. This sea shapes the way they think or, more often, don't think.

For many, cats especially, dealing with a person who dithers about in an abusive relationship is like listening to a deep gong: at first it's startling and the lingering vibration haunts you, but it takes only a few bashes to become unnerving and pointless. The future inclination is to avoid the clamour and move on. In the turbulent mix of human stupidity, however, there are bound to be some who enjoy the percussion. The echo stays with them, offering not disturbance, stress, or annoyance, but rather the comfort of feeling important and essential. They like being a part of someone else's drama. They stay around and listen; they offer a shoulder to cry on and are quick with suggestions, and above all they give the whiners what they want -- attention.

To a creature of reason, it seems inconceivable that anyone would deliberately gravitate to whiney people who have loads of emotional cargo. But ask yourself, what do these self-styled agony aunts do after they've listened and reasoned and begged and pleaded with their friends to get out of whatever circumstances in which they are "stuck"? They go whining to another about how taxing it is trying to reason with someone so unreasonable. When that person tries to offer them suggestions, they don't take them. They complain about their emotional parasites to someone else and thus become emotional parasites themselves.

I guess the most precise way to answer your question is this: The devil you know is always better than that which you don't. Many humans allow fear, a potent emotion, to govern their lives. Under its influence they'll stay in a bad situation rather than leave and be forced to face the unknown devils that await them. It feels safer and easier to stay with the familiar and rely on friends for emotional support.

If you are that friend, you are being sucked on by an emotional parasite who doesn't really want your help as much as your sympathy. You can do nothing to help such a person unless she is first willing to help herself. Alternately, if you are playing the emotional host, you're likely playing the emotional parasite as well. I suggest you assess your personal relationships, platonic or otherwise, and honestly evaluate the role you play in each. Until then I'll be waiting for another e-mail addressed New South Wales in which the reader asks basically the same question only regarding a friend who's always whining about how she can't seem to extract herself from the personal dramas of others.

Yours Purringly,
Mr. W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)



READERS REMEMBER! You may now ask Mr. Fleez for his jaded opinion* on your personal situations. Please send your enquiries to: housecatwisdom@yahoo.co.uk.

*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.

akw: Grooming salons, Decorations, Kitty Condos, Cat Trees, Cat Toys, Cat nip, Teasers, Lazers, Treats.