The Number One Benefit of Indoor Living: Sweet Vindication.

During my time as a housecat, I've heard many feral taunts about my sedentary, anti-cat lifestyle. Initially, I took offence, but before long I recognised a startling commonality linking my antagonists: Most are flippant and lippy outdoor cats who stroll through the garden on their way to the road, where they are often squashed into the concrete by a fast-passing SUV driven by a dog-lover. Such occurrences are admittedly tragic, but they do bring me a morbid sense of vindication.

After the first jeer/smear incident, I tried to warn the others as they caterwauled past the window of my first-floor flat. I've since stopped bothering, and now it's become a bit of a personal fixation. In fact, I keep a running log these days. For instance, that shabby tabby, Freckles, holds the record for the shortest interval between jeer and smear. "Hey housecat!" he hissed, slinking past on his way to chase Sylvia, a sly Siamese, "bet your bum's gettin' sore sittin' there watchin' the world go by! You wouldn't know what to do with yourself out here, softy!" Next thing you know, Sylvia darted out, he followed, and SMASH! She never did like Freckles. Personally, I think she had it in for him.

Nonetheless, the incident reminds me of some valued advice spoken by an old housecat who once lived in the flat across the hall. Firstly, always let a Siamese girl make the first move, and secondly, no matter what you stand for there's always someone waiting to knock you down. Just consider the source and remember, when it's all over and done, he who laughs last, laughs best.


READERS REMEMBER! You may now ask Mr. Fleez for his jaded opinion* on your personal situations. Please send your enquiries to: housecatwisdom@yahoo.co.uk.

*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.


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