Mr. Humphries' Agony Session #3

Dear Mr. Fleez,

I work full time to support my wife who attends university in Wallongong. She is training to become an opera singer, and she is away from home much of the time. She's the love of my life and I can't imagine life without her. The trouble is Music. Modern music is ok most of the time, but she listens to maddening stuff. I can't get away from it. If it's not some kind of symphony, which is bad enough, it's some horrible opera. I know that she's learning to sing and all, and I don't want to take the mickey out of her or anything, but it makes me nuts. Music is supposed to sooth the savage beast, so why does it annoy me so badly?

Cordially,
A. Salieri sympathiser, NSW Australia.




Dear Sympathiser,

Your question interested me greatly. Firstly, because you are from New South Wales, Australia, which apparently houses ninety percent of my question-asking readers, and secondly because your wife, though belonging to a class of highly tasteful and sophisticated humans, married an earless, chav, yobbo such as yourself. It doesn't surprise me that music doesn't soothe your breast, my dear pitiable man. The truth is that music wasn't designed to soothe as most people mistakenly think; it was designed to move.

Whether you like it or not, most modern forms of music, not excluding rap, have their foundations in the very symphonies and operas you so dread. There aren't many contemporary musicians who haven't had some kind of symphonic influence in their backgrounds, even if indirectly.

Many of the more popular bands from the early to mid twentieth century were admired for their blend of voice and instrumentals. These basic principles are carry-overs from the more complex forms of music that preceded them. Swing and Jazz are two of the more modern musical genres having a foot firmly in the Renaissance past. If you look at the workings of the big bands or jazz club orchestras you're sure to see it. Strings, brass, woodwinds, vocals, they're all there; add a lady in a flashy dress and you can't miss the connection. Now, fast-forward to the sixties and seventies and have a look at groups such as The Beatles, Jethro Tull, and Led Zeppelin. All of these groups have produced undisputed masterpieces with the aide and employ of symphonics. They've also had an indisputable influence on music today. (If you don't buy the connection, just think of Puff Daddy's Kashmir/Come With Me, a rap version of Led Zeppelin's Kashmir.)

In spite of all the obvious links connecting past to present, the reason classical music annoys you is likely an amalgam of ear, taste, social prejudice, and patience. If you are into more lyrical forms of music, the fact that the classics are either wordless, operatic in nature, or written in a foreign language will be a definite roadblock to pleasure. Furthermore, if you don't have a discerning ear, sifting through many sounds at once may be problematic. In short, the very complexity of classical music may be beyond you. Ultimately, however, social prejudice and patience are more likely the culpable factors.

In many social circles, it isn't 'cool' to appreciate fine music. You, being a working-class male who, I assume, is between twenty-five and thirty years of age, aren't likely to have an overly forgiving social unit. If one of the fellahs finds out you're listening to the Queen of the Night aria on purpose, you aren't likely to live it down anytime soon. It's more likely that you'll be branded a geezer and made the brunt of many verbal stings. This puts a predetermined spin on the classical genres, making them annoying simply because you don't want to like them.

Furthermore, if you already spend a good deal of time bombarded by television, radio, or other forms of mass media, classical music may require too much concentration and imagination. When classical music was considered contemporary, there was no television or radio. Not a lot of people had access to books, and, aside from taking in a play, the closest thing to going to the cinima would have been a night at the opera. Whether doled out to the masses vaudeville-style or privately presented to royalty, music in an opera house or concert hall was the height of stimulus. It wasn't something that could be had by anyone at any time just by flipping a switch or pressing a button. It was a complex blend of instruments, tempo variations, emotional voice, and powerful vibrations entering the uncorrupted ear and creating an experience.

That having been said, my only piece of advice for you would be to spend less time on the sofa watching footy and spend more time popping in on your wife's classes. With a clear, open mind and a little bit of patience, you may discover the beauty of classical music. Doing so may even strengthen the relationship you so clearly wish to preserve.

Yours Purringly,
W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)


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