A Day in the Life of a Sophisticated Housecat. Part I: The Morning

To the sophisticated housecat, preparing for one's day requires more than opening the eyes, rising and going about your business. Several steps are required to achieve a level of majesty befitting our noble heritage. If even one of these requirements isn't met, the result can be disastrous. In this three part pictorial, I will guide you through a typical day in the life of a sophisticated housecat. By the end, I'm confident that anyone reading, whether human or otherwise, will appreciate the skill and dedication needed to achieve the ultimate feline finesse.



After waking and crawling from their comfy cave, the first thing on the agenda of any sophisticated housecat will be checking the weather. Even if they've never actually been outdoors, the position of the sun is extremely important. If the sun is shining, the sophisticated housecat will loiter about in the windowsill for a time before moving on with his day.



Breakfast is the key to a happy healthy lifestyle. It is no secret that the average housecat employs a selective palate; this is truer for the sophisticated kitty. Only the finest quality food will be eaten. Anything else is subject to spurning and serious gastrointestinal disruption. Quality, though very important, is not the only factor considered when dealing with le chic chat. There are many fine quality dog foods on the market; but even the average feline will prefer almost anything to dog food, and it isn't good for a kitty's kidneys anyway.



Exercise is another necessity to the health and well being of the sophisticated housecat. It is vital for many of our mundane functions. Without exercise our coats will dull, our bodies will grow frail or flabby, and our personal evacuations will become scanty and infrequent. Without exercise there would be an abundance of chronically bloated, overweight housecats, all suffering excruciating constipation; and if you think a human can be cranky, you've never seen a bloated Burmese with a bowel blockage before.




Of course, as important as exercise is, one should never undertake their athletic routine without properly stretching the musculature. Limbering up, though, isn't always an easy task. It takes much discipline and training to achieve the difficult positions required to fully prepare the feline body for extended physical exertion.



After a peek outside, a bite to eat, and a rigorous workout, there are only a couple of things left on the moggy's morning agenda. A visit to the sandbox is a welcome activity, and the humans also appreciate it. They are almost always in need of something to do once they've finished their coffee and Danish, and what better than to scrape the sandbox for their treasured masters? Furthermore, evacuating the bowels after exercise expels the toxins and releases the tension that can often hinder a cat's ability to competently perform the final, most anticipated endeavour of the feline regimen: Napping.



Napping is likely the most important activity any housecat performs. A housecat deprived of his morning nap will become a dastardly creature, far worse than any human deprived of their morning cup of coffee. Waking a cat in the middle of his nap is a fool's errand, as it runs the risk of sudden clawing, biting, or unpleasant hissing. When a housecat sleeps he is rejuvenating his vital force, building needed energies for his afternoon activities. While sleeping housecats may look extremely cute and squeezable, remember, waking one can be very hazardous to your health.


This concludes Part One of A Day in the Life of a Sophisticated Housecat. Part Two, the Afternoon, will appear on November First. Next week, however, is the agony edition of Housecat Wisdom, where I will endeavour to answer your questions with as much tact and sensitivity as a cat can muster; and, trust me, given the circumstance, that isn't always easy.




READERS REMEMBER! You may now ask Mr. Fleez for his jaded opinion* on your personal situations. Please send your enquiries to: housecatwisdom@yahoo.co.uk.

*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.


akw: Grooming salons, Decorations, Kitty Condos, Cat Trees, Cat Toys, Cat nip, Teasers, Lazers, Treats.