Mr. Humphries' Agony Session #2

Dear Mr. Fleez,

I was wondering how your "owner" feels about you giving advice to humans? It must take up a lot of your nap time, is it really worth the trouble?

Yours truly,
Just wondering, Michigan USA


Dear Wondering,

I appreciate your concern for my nap time, as advising does cut heavily into my schedule; however, my self-proclaimed owner doesn't enter into the picture. You, as a housecat, no doubt appreciate the ease with which humans are manipulated by individuals of the feline persuasion. All I need do is act rowdy and obnoxious for a few hours, and before long I'm tossed into the office with full access to PC and Internet. If I have an idea for an article, if I need to check my e-mail, or if I just get the urge to log on to the Cat Fanciers website, I simply leap up onto the counter while she's cooking something tasty, and I'm in like Flynn. No trouble at all! As long as I'm quiet, she's content to leave me alone, and when I'm done, I just beat on the door and meow incessantly until she's sick at the sound of me. It works out like a dream.

Yours Purringly,
W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)


Dear Mr. Fleez,

Why do cats hate water? Y'all gotta drink it so why not swim and stuff too?
Beachcomber - Cali USA


Dear Beachcomber,

Not all cats have a morbid fear of water. I personally have no trouble tipping over my self-proclaimed owner's water glass in order that I may wash my feet. In fact, I often queue for the shower, as there is usually water sufficient for washing my feet and tail when she's finished.

On a grander scale, however, there are some breeds that are more water-welcoming. A superb example would be the Maine Coon. With strong forelegs and webbed paws, they're as conducive to water as a fluffy flotation device.

So, Beachcomber, the next time someone tries to tell you that all cats fear water, just point them to a Maine Coon breeder directory; they'll be sure to find plenty of soggy moggy photos therein.

Yours Purringly,
W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)


READERS REMEMBER! You may now ask Mr. Fleez for his jaded opinion* on your personal situations. Please send your enquiries to: housecatwisdom@yahoo.co.uk.

*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.

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