Mr. Fleez' Agony Session #17: Kittenhood Horrors?

Dear Mr. Fleez,

A few months ago my son gave me a Siamese kitten [Zorro] which by now is a little over 6 months. Yea, I love this nut but he is for sure a "nut". He literally "flys" across the room at any given time. He runs through the house and down the hall like a small jet - hangs on curtains and gets into trash even though he has fresh water and food all the time. He gets on dining room chairs and all you see are little paws reaching up to pull something off the table and even goes to my jewelry box and grabs whatever will fit his paw. At night he finally comes to bed and settles down except for the night he stared at a crack in the baseboard for hours! He had me scared as to what was going to appear from the baseboard. Do you think he will grow out of this and settle down like my older cat? He terrorizes older cat but she slaps him down quite often. Not to worry though - - getting slapped just makes it more exciting for him. This Siamese is a "fruit-cake"!! :))

-Cynthia


Dear Cynthia,

Your problem is a simple one: Zorro is a kitten. Unfortunately, cats start out as kittens, and they don't usually achieve sophistication until after the age of two. Until a kitten becomes a cat, such rogue behaviours are commonplace and are also difficult to break.

Kittens are full of energy, curiosity, and mischief. They, like older cats, are constantly on the prowl for food. Having a full dish of something familiar will not deter the kitten who knows there are fresh, meaty chicken bones hiding in the rubbish. Only when they start discovering banana skins, orange peels, and coffee grounds do they finally realise that the bin isn't a fun place to dive.

Though hunting is instinctive, kittens hone their essential skills while playing with their mother and siblings. Sadly, many kittens are removed from their litters young and haven't fully mastered these abilities. This is why they often do silly things, such as stare after a ladybeetle that crawled into a crack in the flooring three hours earlier. They keep diligent watch over corners, the backs of television sets, and sometimes the drains. It isn't simply the thrill of the hunt that keeps them alert, mind you. At times, they'd just like to remember what caught their interest in the first place.

Once they've given up on hunting the invisible, they'll usually turn to a tangible target. Plants, other cats, and human trouser cuffs are a few favourites. Though it may disturb you to see your older cat swatting at Zorro, it's actually a good thing. This action is a time-tested ritual in feline society called discipline. Since many humans have no concept of discipline, I'll be happy to define it. Discipline is the act of preventing or correcting wrong or inappropriate behaviours by enforcing consequences through the employment of boundaries, restrictions, and in some cases corporal action. When your older cat swats Zorro, she is telling him that his behaviour is inappropriate conduct for a sophisticated feline. You may be able to take a lesson from your older feline and have a paw in the training and discipline of this errant youth. It isn't unusual for a mother cat to paw her kittens between the ears when they are acting inappropriately. A short, gentle, two finger swat between the ears could reinforce phrases such as NO!, NO BITE, DOWN, or OY GET OUT'A THE PLANTS! Please remember, though, that you are considerably larger and stronger than the average kitten, so if you are unable to grasp the concept of a gentle, two-finger swat (no harder than that which a mother cat would inflict) don't attempt it; no cat, kitten or otherwise, will respond favourably to abuse. If you are not comfortable with a gentle swatting, remember you may make use of acute sounds, such as the clapping of hands and a stern voice, or even a covert squirt from a low-pressure water pistol.

Regrettably, some humans are under the misapprehension that kittens are evil and therefore have no place in society. The truth is that even though kittens are evil, without them there would be no sophisticated housecats. And let's not forget, without any two-year-olds there would be no adult humans either. As with human children, kittens require boundaries and training. They need to have toys and to be played with. They need food and clean sand to scratch and dig in. They need love and attention. In short they are a very needy, very demanding responsibility, but if given the proper attention, patience, and discipline, they can grow into a beautifully sophisticated housecat.


Yours Purringly,
W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)


P.S.

If you've tried everything to settle Zorro down, yet nothing seems to be working, I recommend a toy called Da Bird™. I don't usually make recommendations like this, but I can attest, first paw, that cats and kittens alike love it. Add a little bit of Cosmic™ Catnip to the playing field, and he should be Zorro butter in no time. Mind you, not all cat's enjoy catmint; but most do, and of all the dried catmints I've tried, Cosmic™ is the most enjoyable. However, don't overdo it! Cats can become immune to catmint when it's offered too often. Yes, you can get too much of a good thing. :::purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:::


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*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.