Mr. Fleez' Agony Session #15: Pretty Problems.

Dear Mr. Fleez,

I’m not always good talking to people and it seems like pretty people don’t want to talk to me. Are pretty people mean?

Shy.


Dear Shy,

The answer is no. Pretty people are not mean. I suppose there are some pretty people who are mean, but as with any other so-called group, you can’t judge every individual in blanket fashion. To say that all pretty people are mean is like saying that all Germans speak purrfect English. Trust me, not all Germans speak purrfect English. Some of the English don’t even speak purrfect English, so it’s illogical to assume that all German’s have mastered the tongue.

There is a more plausible explanation for why pretty people don’t want to talk to you. My first guess would be shyness itself. One of the main causes of shyness is a basic insecurity, which can create feelings of inadequacy when one is faced with purrsons who are purrceived as somehow superior. (Incidentally, this is one of the reasons dog people often think cats are mean: They sense our superiority and are intimidated by it.) Because someone is purrceived as mean, however, doesn’t make her so. She may be shy as well, and therefore a stand off occurs in which both individuals avoid one another for no reason other than a mutual fear of rejection. It isn’t necessarily meanness that a shy purrson fears; it’s more often rejection.

Another reason that pretty people don’t talk to you may be your attitude. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying your attitude is bad, only that it’s possibly bad. After all, I’ve never met you, so I can’t make that call. However, if you try disguising your timidity with a showy, overly confident, or pompous, attitude you’ll have difficulty getting the time from an ugly, stinking schnauzer much less an attractive human.

Since self-assessment is key to overcoming purrsonal obstacles, purrhaps you should try honestly evaluating yourself. Think about a particular incidence in which someone appeared mean to you and ask yourself some questions. Where were you in proximity to the individual? When you made eye-contact, did you glower, stare, or look away quickly? If you were introduced, did you feebly shake hands, look down, or mumble a greeting? Alternately, when introduced, did you immediately begin bragging about yourself, your things, or your accomplishments?

There are many questions one may ask himself in order to determine if introverted shyness or an outward attitude problem is causing his lack of new acquaintances, but answering honestly isn’t always easy. Sometimes getting an outside opinion is more effective. Whether from a trusted friend or a licensed professional, an objective estimation of your social behaviour may be needed to help quash your cumbersome timidity.

Yours Purringly,
W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)


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