Pooh-Pooh Power.

For some time I’ve suspected the press of reporting crap, but until this week I had no concrete evidence. I knew it wouldn’t be long, though; and so I waited patiently. Shockingly, the proof came from Reuters, one of the few media sources I still somewhat respect. The article heading caught my eye immediately: “San Francisco to Test Turning Dog Waste into Power.”

I wasn’t really surprised that the press reported on such singular developments. After all, they report on the marvels of microscopic sponges, sweater-sewers for penguins, and even the death cries of over-watered cucumbers. Nevertheless, I can’t help doubting that people will actually relish reading about the many wonders of doggie droppings over their morning kibble. I felt truly sorry for the readers suffering from sensitive stomachs.

Indigestion notwithstanding, the article wasn’t completely void of newsworthiness. In fact, I learnt quite a few things. Firstly, there are way too many dogs in San Francisco: An estimated 120,000, to quote the figures. Furthermore, the human/science equation is farther off balance than I had previously realised. No cat in his right mind would ever have thought to exploit the personal evacuations of mangy mongrels for anything even remotely connected with consumption. Then, they do say that dog is man’s best friend, and since dogs have no trouble consuming their own waste (or even a cat’s,) it should come as no surprise that they’ve begun to think in similar circles.

I guess that, like the media, I, too, have my purrsonal prejudices. I like being warm and eating well-prepared meals just like almost everyone. Still, I’d much rather cook over the burning remains of long-dead lizards, or even the gaseous belchings of good old mother earth, as they seem much more civilised than the filthy excretions of canine cretins.

Yours Purringly,
W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)