Mr. Humphries' Agony Session #7

Dear Mr. Fleez,

I have been asked to host a dinner party by a friend of mine. I guess that doesn't sound too bad, but the reason she wants me to host it is because the inside of her house looks like it was hit by a passing typhoon. She has like twenty kids, and none of them are well-behaved, and now her sister and brother-in-law are coming up from New Mexico, and she wants me to host their welcoming dinner because she doesn't want them to see her house. I think the whole things stupid and she should just get over it and host her own dinner because they're going to have to see her house sooner or later anyway, but she insists that they won't because he never stays anywhere but in a hotel. I sort of feel bad for her, but at the same time she kind of deserves it. I'm not the one who made her house a wreck or didn't train her kids, and I don't think I should have to bail her out like this. Any suggestions?

Irritably your,

Not Hungry!


Dear Not Hungry,

From my personal observations I've learnt that some humans will do anything, short of actual work, to keep up appearances. Some feel that orchestrating an elaborate ruse is easier than taking the time and effort to bring things together honestly. There are many reasons for this, the most common of which is that honesty is often overwhelming to one who is used to deception.

People who come from deceptive families learn to deceive from a very young age. Children of a closet gambler, drinker, or abuser are frequently expected to hide such compulsions from authorities, friends, relatives, and, in some cases, other parents. Whether by threat or bribery, a parent who conscripts their children into such illusory behaviour is setting them up for a life of deception. Such youths enter adulthood without a clear concept of what is honest and what is not.

I'm not saying that such is the case in this situation. Though, from your letter, which wasn't exactly precise as to your friend's motive, it does sound as if she is asking to claim your home as her own in order to hide the true state of affairs from her brother-in-law. If this assumption is correct, you have quite a predicament on your paws, and I'm glad I'm not you. Nonetheless, there are options.

Firstly, you can discuss the situation with her directly. At the risk of sounding cynical, this probably won't accomplish anything. A person willing to so deceive her own family isn't liable to come clean about it to you. She'll more likely fail to see anything wrong with her plan, or equally likely she'll become defensive and try to make you feel as though you're being judgemental. Either way, you're headed for conflict.

Your next option is simply to deny her request with little or no explanation. After all it's your house, and you have the right to decide whether or not you will host a dinner party there. Furthermore, if she isn't a housekeeper in her own home, how can you reasonably expect her to assist with cleaning up after the event is over? True, this option is also heading for conflict, but probably not as much as if you were to approach her about the situation directly.

Another option is to concede and have the dinner at your home. This may avoid conflict in the present, but be prepared for similar situations to arise down the road. Then, if you do resort to hosting the dinner, there is one final option: Insist on a "surprise" menu. Yes, he that controls the menu controls the contentment of all at the table. If you were to serve an exquisitely spicy, double-hot curry accompanied by an excessively salty squid and oyster soup, I'm sure your friend would be less apt to draft you into any of her future dinner schemes. Though, just to be sure you might consider an unpleasant novelty desert. (Litter box cake anyone?)

Yours Purringly,

W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)


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*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.


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