What's With Humans and Their Underwear?

If we made a list of inventions noted for setting man apart from animals, underwear is bound to fall just below the flushing toilet. I realise we felines don't actually build automobiles; nor are we keen on riding in them, but we are more likely to make use of automotive technology than the basic Y-front or bikini brief. Granted, this article isn't about setting man apart from felines exclusively; but the fact remains that you are more likely to see an elephant being transported to the zoo in a truck than you are to see him being taken to the beach in a pair of boxer shorts. Besides, even if you could squeeze some boxers over his enormous haunches, you'd be hard-pressed to keep him down long enough to pull up his trousers; and, ultimately, if they aren't under something, they aren't underwear. That's the definition of underwear: Garments worn under the clothing for whatever reason best known to the wearer.

I suppose it's possible that man's underwear obsession isn't all about comfortably fitting clothing and keeping the trousers fresh for a second wear. There is the element of secrecy to consider. Perhaps it's more about concealing flaws than it is comfort or cleanliness. After all, no one plans to be in a horrible accident, but wearing clean underwear is the typical human's age-old preparation for just in case. Further, no one decides to split their trousers or trip on a crack and go bum-up on the pavement, so the threat of accidental exposure may be a very real factor.

Whatever the reason, humans are obsessed with underwear. Some spend hundreds on it each year. That's hundreds they could be spending on housecats! Yes, it's painfully obvious that the underwear industry has turned humans into a lot self-centred egomaniacs, who are happy to let their feline friends go without new catmint mousies while they tuck their bums neatly into trousers with all their pocks, spots, and dimples safely out of view. (Not coincidentally, the right pair of knickers can be invaluable in this area.) Personally, I think underwear should be boycotted on the charge of pandering to mankind's insecurities and impeding feline tranquillity earth-wide.

Yours Purringly,

W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)

Yes, there is a reason cats do not wear pants!

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