Mr. Fleez' Agony Session # 9: A Friend In Need is a Pest Indeed.

Dear Mr. Fleez,

I've been looking for a flatmate for a while. I've got one friend who's always wanting to move in with me, but on top of being an unreliable git, he's also an utter slob. In fact, I'm only his friend at all because I'm afraid that he'll get vicious if I tell him to sod off and die. What do you suggest I do? He's pestering me daily since his mum told him he had a month to get out, and I don't want him here.

Yours Groaningly,

Annoyed.


Dear Annoyed,

While reading your query, a few things caught my ever-critical eye. Firstly, you plainly claim that you've been actively seeking a flatmate for a while; secondly, you fail to mention why you've not yet found one; and thirdly, you are quick to explain why your unreliable, gittish, slob of a mate simply won't do. I find these things interesting, as they all lead me to the heart of the problem: You are human.

I'd like to address each of these specifics one by one, beginning with your diligent, albeit fruitless, search for a flatmate. Annoyed, have you honestly made an extensive search? Have you placed adverts, asked trustworthy friends, family members, or reliable co-workers if they or someone they know may be looking for such arrangements? Have you been specific about your expectations, and are they realistic? Determine your boundaries, how important or necessary finding a flatmate is to you, and if you are willing to risk sharing your living space with someone with whom you are not intimately acquainted. These are things you must carefully evaluate if your search is to be successful.

This brings us to the second issue at paw: Have you ever wondered what there is about you that may be hindering your efforts to find a suitable co-occupant? Most humans balk when asked about their own imperfections, but they all have them; you are not an exception to this rule. Try looking first at your own deficiencies before picking apart those of others. Once you've done that, it may be easier to compromise on some less crucial aspects of mutual tenancy.

Finally, although it is definitely wise to avoid entering into any sort of dwelling arrangement with someone who is unreliable, gittish, and slovenly, I'd be concerned with your reason for continuing such a friendship at all. Were you feline you wouldn't allow fear to dictate any personal action, and therefore the solution would be clear to you. Because you are human, however, fear trumps reason, and you're stuck with the losing hand common to mankind, namely dithering uncertainty.

Remaining in an emotionally unprofitable relationship helps neither party grow into respectable members of civilised society. If one is allowed to walk over others without consequence, he will do so indefinitely. If anyone gives you reason to fear physical, mental, or emotional aggression, he is not your friend, and you are under no obligation to continue a relationship with him.

I sincerely hope that you find an amicable resolution to this untidy circumstance. Nevertheless, please remember that there are many ways to safely distance yourself from vicious persons, and you should do so even if it means taking legal advice. Further, it is unwise to end such relationships in private or secluded places, nor are you under any compulsion to do so face to face. Violent people are not deserving of such respect, no matter what they'd have you think.

Yours Purringly,

W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)



READERS REMEMBER! You may now ask Mr. Fleez for his jaded opinion* on your personal situations. Please send your enquiries to: housecatwisdom@yahoo.co.uk.

*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.

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