Standards Australian: Toilet Seat Sentry.

I'm always looking for titbits of interesting information: Mainly factoids or snippets of useless twaddle, which are easily twisted and manipulated to fit my mood, but the occasional bit of newsworthy information may also strike my fancy. Then, I suppose the truthfulness of that statement depends on what one considers newsworthy. As for me, I consider toilets such; and more precisely, Australian toilets.

I’d wager my whiskers that you’re wondering why an irresistibly cute, sleek, and squeezable moggy, such as myself, would be interested in toilets. After all, I’ve never used one; and quite frankly, I doubt I ever will. Nevertheless, after reading the majority of rubbish printed this week, the sturdiness and structure of Australian toilet seats was a refreshing break from the daily grind of politics and propaganda. Who wouldn’t rather read about the inflated bums of Australia than sift through the slanted tales and half-mad claptrap produced by the world’s mighty spin doctors?

Please, don’t misunderstand me. I freely admit that keeping sharp on current events, economic and political, is important. I’m not trying to minimise the need to be awake to the ever-changing scope of world affairs. Even housecats need to know what’s going on outside. Nevertheless, trying to truffle out the truth from beneath layers of hidden agendas, personal opinion, and political bias can be depressing. That’s why delving into - albeit not too deeply - the world of the Australian toilet industry piqued my interest.

Earlier this evening, while my self-proclaimed owner was away, I logged on to check my e-mail and to begin researching a potential topic for this evening’s blog. For the devout drawing room sociologist, catching wind of social issues that double as toilet humour isn’t an everyday occurrence, so when I found an article in the AFP, relating the apparent need to change the country’s standards for toilet seat safety, I quickly absorbed the details. Apparently some 62% of Australian men and 45% of Australian women are currently obese. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, this is a 10% increase over the past decade. Perhaps that's why they call it The Land of Plenty. Nevertheless, the proliferation of portliness has caused a bit of unrest in the world of water closets. The nongovernmental organisation, Standards Australia, is considering the necessity of strengthening toilets for larger users; and, since they’re the ones who set the standards for safety and design, the seats upon which larger Australians conduct their business is their business.

I guess what I really want to know is what sparked the commode controversy in the first place? At which point did someone declare toilet safety an issue? Given the statistics, it’s obvious that obesity isn’t new to Australia. If ten years ago close to half of the populous was obese, why is this just becoming a concern? Have the instances of toilet seat-related injuries risen considerably in the past decade? Are there more unexpected W.C. casualties in recent years than there have been in past? Perhaps there’s more to the story than just concern for public safety. Perhaps the brother of the Standards Australia chairman recently married into a wealthy toilet seat empire, and they’re looking to boost production. Then, even if such is the case, this is one area of human society to which I happily turn a blind eye.

Yours Purringly,
W.C. (no pun intended) Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)





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