Lewis: The Terrorist of Sunset Circle

Due to power failure this article was posted late. I do apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Recently someone asked me to comment on Lewis, Connecticut USA's psycho kitty who has allegedly terrorised at least half a dozen citizens, including an Avon lady, several unsuspecting gardeners, and purrhaps the occasional Jehovah's Witness. If you've not heard of this feisty feline, I'll do my best to give you a bit of background. Keep in mind, however, that although I am also a feline, I have no purrsonal connection with Lewis, so anything I tell you is technically second-paw information and should be researched at the source.

According to the Connecticut Post, Lewis is a five-year-old black and white polydactyl with a penchant for stealthy stalking. Apparently he hides in bushes, under vehicles, or really anywhere he can get his wiggle on without anyone spotting him, before bounding out, brandishing teeth, claws, and, most probably, a maniacal glower. Unfortunately, his entirely unsophisticated behaviour has landed his self-proclaimed owner, Ruth Cisero, in a bit of a legal bind. Furthermore, his own life is currently in the balance over the attacks.

I suppose you're all expecting me to side with Lewis and his so-called owner, but must I remind you that, as a cat, it is my birthright to spurn human expectations? That's one of the best bits about being a cat: I can say just about anything I want, regardless of what others expect. To a cat, nothing is sacred, not even other cats. Though, I must admit, it's not necessarily Lewis that's rubbed me backward; rather, it's his ridiculously oblivious human.

Cisero "adopted" Lewis three years ago and claims she has never had any troubles in the home. According to her, he is "a cat's cat" who climbs trees and sits on roofs, and she laments that he is now under house arrest. I can understand Lewis being a bit miffed at having to remain indoors for his crimes. After all, no one likes consequences. Nevertheless, if Lewis' defence attorney is telling the truth, this feline has been egged, hosed, and tormented to the point of fury. In fact, Ms. Cisero not only mulishly denies any wrong-doing on the part of her angelic moggy, (who is, of course, incapable of being a serial stalker, because, after all, she's never purrsonally been attacked,) but has also counterclaimed that the entire cul-de-sac is against him. As unrealistic, and frankly histrionic, as this claim may be, it raises an interesting question: Why'd she let him out in the first place?

It seems that Lewis has been double damned: Initially by the people who antagonised him to the brink of insanity, and further by the ignorance and irrationality of his self-proclaimed owner. How much easier it would've been for her had she simply recognised his problem and tightened security, before she was brought up on charges. Now she'll have to go through an arduous trial, which will likely become a three-ring-circus of animal activists, scoffing citizens, and people who had nothing better to do, all so she can be ordered to surrender Lewis anyway.

Purrsonally, I don't think she should be allowed to keep him regardless of the trial's outcome. I'm convinced that she has a faltering grasp on reality and should probably be receiving medical attention herself. Her instability is manifest in not only her poor judgement, but also in her neighbourhood conspiracy theory and her threats to pack up and run fugitive should the judge order Lewis euthanized.

In closing, I'd like to clarify my position on Lewis' possible death sentence: As far as I know, a five-year-old cat isn't likely suffering from senility, but that doesn't exclude a medical reason for his antisocial behaviour. One of my former co-inmates, Flip, had tumours in her back as a kitten, and as she approached 7-years-old she started losing her mind. Eventually she began ambushing and attacking strangers and later the rest of us. In the end she was euthanized, and justly so. If Lewis does indeed have an irreparable medical condition causing his misconduct, I can understand the decision to euthanize. Otherwise, I hold Ms. Cisero accountable in as much as she failed to comply with the law, and the judge in as much as he failed to see transference to a maximum security moggy reformatory as an alternative to capital punishment.

Yours Purringly,
W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)


READERS REMEMBER! You may now ask Mr. Fleez for his jaded opinion* on your personal situations. Please send enquiries to: housecatwisdom@yahoo.co.uk.

*DISCLAIMER: By contacting Housecat Wisdom you're asking a housecat for his personal opinion. If you require serious advice, please, write Ann Landers, Dear Abby, or consult a professional psychiatrist.