Pure, Unadulterated Laziness.

Over the years, humans have made some dreadful decisions. Their outcomes vary; but I think it's safe to say that most have devastating consequences, and often these consequences could have been avoided with but a tiny measure of forethought. The trouble is, cats aren't much better. At least not when it comes to reaching a deadline, and this week, I've completely failed to plan a topic for discussion. It isn't that I don't have a million topics from which to choose, but picking something out of the air without preparation isn't how I typically operate.

Given the situation, it seems most logical to write about the hazards associated with laziness, which, ironically, is how I got myself into this situation. Well, laziness and enough cat mint to floor a lion. Nevertheless, there's got to be a million sources out there emphasizing the dangers of laziness, and I plan to quote approximately sixty-two percent of them as filler for the remainder of this article. Then, that would take a great deal of effort; and I'm just not feeling overly motivated, so, why don't I just make up a few things and call it a day? Better still, why don't I just quote some funny things that other writers have said about their personal ineptitude? It'll make my readers laugh, make me look like a brilliant, well-read moggy, and make me feel better about my lingering incompetence.

Sounds like a win/win situation to me. ::purrrrrrrr::

One of the authors most qualified to serve my purposes this evening is the ever procrastinating Mr. Douglas Adams, author of more than a few cross-genre science fiction novels. (If it's possible to be simultaneously classified as science fiction and cross-genre.) Mr. Adams was almost as famous for his novels as he was for his absolute lack of self-discipline while writing them. In fact, most people (himself included) were amazed that he actually completed enough publishable material to reach beyond a moderate level of distinction. Below is a list of Douglas Adams quotes, relevant to today's topic:

• "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." (I'm not sure who originally quoted Adams as saying this, but it's hilarious and extremely relevant.)
• "For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen." (This fairly well sums up my trying to write anything worth reading after a serious spot of illness.)
• "His study was a total mess, like the results of an explosion in a public library." (Rather like my self-proclaimed owner's office, the chaos of which has only deepened my lack of inspiration.)

Alas, though Mr. Adams may have been the king of procrastination, (so much so that he died procrastinating on his final novel,) there are plenty of noteworthy quotes on the topic, so below I've included yet another list:

• "Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired." – Jules Renard I think (1864-1910)
• "Anyone can do any amount of work providing it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment." - Robert Benchley
• "Never put off till tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow." - Mark Twain

And now, since I can't be bothered to look up exclusively quotes on laziness, I've decided to quote just about anything as long as I think it funny:

• "A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." – Groucho Marx
• A true friend stabs you in the front. – Oscar Wilde
• We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. – Phyllis Diller
• "I'd kill you for money! Ha-ha-ha! Ah, no. You're my friend. I'd kill you for nothing." – Chico Marx
• "We are actors - we're the opposite of people." – Tom Stoppard
• "A fan club is a group of people who tell an actor he's not alone in the way he feels about himself." – Kenneth Williams
• "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." – Johnny Carson
• "When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists." – Stephen Fry
• "Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking." – Dave Barry

Okay, now I'm tired. I think I'll off to my bed. I've not been well of late, and all this searching for quotes has worn me out. Perhaps next week I'll think of something worthwhile to write about. Nevertheless, I'd not hold my breath would I were you.

Yours Purringly,
W.C. Humphries II (Mr. Fleez for short.)